Validation

So many ideas run through my head about what interesting, easily related to topic I should write about and yet, when I sit down to write, nothing I ruminated upon is what I actually post.

I have spent many years in various types of therapy. Many years trying to "accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative" as my Gram would say. Many years learning, growing, submitting, fighting, aching, and even resigning myself to where I was instead of where I wanted to be. Most recently the type of therapy I learned was Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, or DBT, created by Marsha Linehan (link to more information here). Originally designed for those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), those who self harm and/or struggle with suicidal ideation and thoughts, DBT has also begun to be used for those with other diagnoses successfully. I am someone who has made great progress using the theories of DBT. Not shot out of a cannon success or success without mishaps and stumbling blocks but success none-the-less. And the piece of DBT that resonates with me so strongly is validation.

For the first time in over 25 years of seeking help, I was told it wasn't all my fault. The hurt I felt was acknowledged. For the first time I learned that some things in life do suck but the best way to move out of those places is to admit they suck and then leave them behind. I am not a clinician, a therapist, a social worker or trained at all in the field of mental health. And I had a very hard time with some aspects of DBT. But when someone looked me in the eye and said "you are right" I was willing to listen to what came next. When I was told it was ok to be dissatisfied with a certain situation, when making sure I took a bubble bath and nurtured myself with exercise and healthy eating was no longer the only answer, I could exhale. DBT isn't a feel good program, it doesn't empower those with mental illness to continue struggling. DBT requires work. A LOT OF WORK. But knowing I am not alone, knowing that it is ok to be a mad and sad (and even how to be mad and sad), knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel, is a great gift. And that gift is a wonderful cornerstone on which to build other DBT skills like mindfullness and wise mind.

If you are someone who suffers from depression, anxiety, BPD, or another mental illness, please get help. I am blessed to have excellent insurance and was able to get DBT therapy through Kaiser Permanente. But there are other providers and other types of therapy that may work very well for you. There are a multitude of online resources such as To Write Love On Her Arms or even PostSecret. What both these sites, as well as the multitude of others, offer is validation. They say "What you feel is real. You do hurt. There is a better way to live."

Please remember that all I shared is my personal journey and not at all a diagnosis or professional mental health solution. And remember that validating someone's feelings may be the best gift you can give them.