But... I'm FAT

Before you decide I need help with my self confidence or being comfortable in my own skin, please don't worry. My confidence level is really just fine, some may even say it is a little too high. And I am not saying fat in a derogatory manner, it is a statement of truth.

I am fat, heavy, a "big girl." I know people who use the term fluffy - that I am not! - but there is a lot of me and my desire to talk about it has nothing to do with explaining myself or wanting to be accepted or loved. Those who are friends need no explanation; I am blessed not only by how fabulous they are but also by men who are engaging, bright, handsome, and interested. Any desire I have to change my figure is much more about having hips and knees that don't hurt, or wanting to ride roller coasters and sight see with ease, than it is about pleasing the masses. The most discomfort I feel emotionally about my body is when someone else is obviously uncomfortable around me.

Within the last year, obesity was classified as a disease. This signaled to me that those who struggle with their weight weren't going to be considered lazy or greedy, we wouldn't be seen as crass, graceless "pigs." What had been a struggle most of my life was going to be recognized as one - this was an opportunity for education and acceptance! But this week I have read that the determination of obesity as a disease has "backfired" and even: "The 'disease' designation becomes a prescription for inaction" (Hank Cardello, Director of The Hudson Institute's Obesity Solutions Initiative). But, wait a minute: That is NOT right! This "label" made me feel like it wasn't all my fault, gave me hope that there would be medical solutions available. Instead of being judged derisively, I would be accepted for who I am and not by the body in which I reside.

For the record, I have tried to lose weight. I went to Weight Watcher's camp - twice - and have explored surgical options, diets, exercise and combinations of all of those. I have consulted my doctor, a nutritionist, and the staff at my workplace healthy living program. I have tried, time and again, to not need a bigger chair than is standard for offices and I have only vacationed at places to which I could drive. But I have also taken baby steps to live as fully as I can. I love P!nk and have often found myself relating to her music. So I bought tickets to see her in concert and, in the company of my dear friend Barbara Haines-Zuazua, I screamed and danced at the Verizon Center in November. I found a travel agency that promotes "size friendly" vacations and I am very impressed already with their attitude and skills (their website). Just two weeks ago, I went to New York and had photos taken by the extremely talented Substania Jones (her Twitter Feed) that made me feel risque and beautiful and just fabulous.

So today, I am embracing my fat. I am going to apologize less for how I look and enjoy life more. I am going to try new things and relearn the things I used to love. I am simply going to be me.