"Love"

My very intuitive and lovely friend Erin Callahan sent me this song by Jana Kramer yesterday titled simply "Love." She knows me so well... it has become my anthem. The lyrics begin with "I still believe in fairy tales... I still believe in shooting stars... and butterflies you get right before you kiss for the very first time." I could have written them... I believe in them as much as I believe the sun rises in the east and that coffee is a gift from the Gods.

And I realized over the weekend I still believe in him, the one about whom I wrote last week. I was hurt and the fallout from what I wrote was quite ugly. I feel pretty rotten about the things said. We came to the end of something. But I don't hate him. I don't wish him pain or loneliness. I still wish him a lot of joy. And wish that he always feels love. I hope there may be a day when we can laugh about "Leon and Margaret" and even, maybe, play Scrabble again. I hope to get periodic pictures of his son as he enters Middle School then High School. When Max got his Driver's License Saturday, I emailed him right away. I rubbed the spot on my tattoo that represents him over and over... not to hide it but as I remembered all the things about him that made me want him represented not just to me but on me.

And this afternoon I was talking to someone about reading and my love of words... new words, the way they play off one another, that I am drawn to songs because of their lyrics more than the actual music. I tried to explain that words are tangible in my mind, they aren't just two dimensional shapes on a page but are colorful and have texture. Words hold power and magic and words hold... love. And some of the words I feel and see and taste about him are: hard-working, smart, stubborn, father, reliable, witty, beautiful, strong, icing, silly, dubious. Those aren't all he is - I don't think any of us can be just a few words - but he is those things. Thank you Erin, and Jana Kramer, for reminding me of them!

With Erin, Summer 2013, National Harbor