It isn't that I lack humility or am attention seeking or am proud of my mistakes and missteps, quite the opposite actually. But my path would have been so much easier had I not felt I was walking it alone. The depression that practically sunk me as a teen wouldn't have been quite as awful if the primary thought surrounding it was that it was "private" and that it shouldn't be shared. Placing a child for adoption would have ached less if it, too, wasn't an embarrassment to so many around me. Hiding under my desk at work, not wanting to actively cause my death but just hoping I wouldn't wake up in the morning, hating my body and my fragile heart - all that would have been so much easier if it hadn't made me feel like a freak.
So I am candid and blunt, even. I share as much as I can, as often as I can, because it may help someone. I co-created an adoption support group that is for ALLmembers of the adoption triad. There are over 250 people now involved and we communicate feelings about our stories. And that creates communication and understanding which is fabulous even if it comes from a painful place.
So I certainly hope I am not offending anyone but I do know that what I share has made a difference. It has made a difference to my close friends and to strangers who are now friends. I respect that not everyone is comfortable with the openness I try to put forth. And that is ok - no one should wave the mental health banner or adoption banner or felonious banner who isn't comfortable doing so. We each have a path and story and should share it as we see fit. I will continue waving my banners and will continue sharing. The path on which I am walking is a much easier, brighter and sillier one than ever before.
