That Girl and the doldrums

I am usually a pretty cheerful sort, a glass half-full kinda girl. But I am in a bit of a funk. For the last two months or so I just feel "blah" and am having a hard time shaking it. And I think one of the reasons is that there is no real reason why. There have been lots of bumps in the road, many things that have challenged my patience and empathy and bank account but nothing really BAD has happened.

I finally realized that this wasn't just going to go away, I needed to be a little bit proactive in solving the problem. I wrote to my therapist and made an appointment with my psychiatrist. I am exploring things from a different perspective and that is helping. Tweaks in my medication will hopefully help, too, but it takes longer to see those results.

While I am safe, going to work, doing the laundry and errands that often fall by the wayside when depression gets the best of me, I am not very happy. I am actually very NOT happy. Life seems grayer, lonelier, and far more irritating that it should. It is often said that anger turned inward becomes depression and whoo-boy do I do angry well these days. I don't want to be bothered with much of anything and just about everyone gets on my nerves. None of which helps the utter emptiness that I can't seem to fill.

I miss being half of a partnership. I would really, really like someone who actually cares about the answer ask me how my day was. I would like to be understood on some level without offering lengthy explanations or justifying my response. And even more so, I would like to ask someone about their day and actually care about the response. Have someone whose company trumps whatever is on Netflix and Pinterest that night.

I know this too shall pass. I know the steps to take to regain some of the happiness I am missing. I won't feel this way forever. But I wish the decorations were better while I am here - it is a very taupe and gray world!