That Girl on Money

Well, not on it, because there isn't really enough to create a seat, but about it. That Girl ABOUT money. Or, even more correctly, on the lack of money.

Like Spkie Milligan once said "All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy." I, too, would love that chance. Would love the opportunity to show that the things in which I fiercely believe - gratitude, loyalty, humor, love - are more powerful than the amount of money in my bank account. But it is getting harder and harder to do that. My frivolous spending has dwindled to almost nothing; Starbucks isn't an occasional treat now but only a special occasion. I am constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul as the saying goes and it is getting harder and harder to stretch my pennies from one paycheck to the next.

The worst part of this is how it affects my son. He doesn't ask for things he needs (like new socks) and is very cautious about how he handles his money, squirreling away money from dog walking jobs and the like because he is afraid there won't be enough. While I admire his ability to save and his appreciation for the value of hard earned money, I am saddened that this is something my son has to live. Even as a little boy he had the same attitude; in the drugstore, holding a Spiderman coloring book, asking me if the piggy bank was hungry or full.

I cannot afford to live alone (without roommates) because it is too expensive to afford a 2 bedroom apartment. I know the number of the company who financed my car loan and dread seeing it on my phone - an all too frequent occurrence. I juggle the weeks I get gas and buy groceries because I can't do both. I listen patiently as my father reminds me of my age and that I am "too old for this."

I go to work every day, to a job I love and into which I put a lot of enthusiasm. I make - on paper - a decent salary. But each and every day is a struggle. And it wears on me, bit by bit, especially when I found out my son needs socks.