Ouch!

If asked, I would tell you that I have grown a lot in the last five years. That I have become more accountable, more confident, HAPPIER! I am most certainly a work in progress but have come a long way. Crying under my desk? Not on your life! Crying AT my desk? Only if I have been laughing a lot. Hiding in my closet? Nope. But there are some mistakes I am evidently destined to repeat until the lesson is learned... but I thought it had been?

Can progress only be measured by an absolute? Or do we allow ourselves the opportunity to re-examine and re-process events? Is anticipation of a different outcome a sign of maturation? Maybe there are no answers. Or maybe these questions are merely an excuse not to call myself a dumbass who did it again.

I want to argue that baby steps are still steps. And that each experience does build character and provide answers that we previously did not have. I want to soothe my hurt feelings by making note of all that is actually, really, I can prove that this is different, different.

But if I sit with how I feel, if I acknowledge my actions that were the catalyst for all this introspection, I have to take responsibility. I am in charge and I allowed my ego to get bruised.  And I walked in with eyes wide open (even if I was ignoring the little voice in my ear). And, in some ways, this is different because I can see that there is still room for growth. And accept that, maybe, I am not all the way there yet. Which gives me hope that one day, I will be.

What "thank you" can mean

Yesterday was my ten year anniversary at my job. It is the longest I have worked anywhere. Compared to many at my place of business, I am still a newbie; there are those here who have worked more than 20 years, a few more than 30. It is a good place to work and I count it as one of my blessings daily.

Something pretty special happened today though, I was able to say thank you to the woman who helped me get this job. Ten years and 3 months ago I had just been laid off and was a bit frantic. One of the first things I did was register with the Job Employment Center and Program offered by the County where I work. I met with a woman there weekly for three months. We revamped my resume for every different application I submitted. We practiced interviewing and I "checked in" with her. When I was my most discouraged she reminded me that I wasn't doing this alone and offered me encouragement. And today she walked into my office. And today she gave me a high five. And today she told me I made her day.

I hope she knows all that she made of me 10 years ago. I hope she knows that I learned from her and that I appreciate how well she balanced encouragement and "sticktoit-tiveness." She never let me wallow or feel sorry for myself but she never chastised me or treated my situation as something of my own making. She helped me better myself. And she helped me get a job I truly love. And today, today, I had the privilege of offering a belated but very heartfelt "thank you."

Domestic Violence is Deadly

It is time for my annual post about Domestic Violence. Some may classify it as a rant but really, it isn't. What it really is is an attempt to open people's eyes. Educate people about something that isn't talked about nearly enough. To make the struggles women have bigger than their breasts and the ubiquitous pink that is more prevalent than even Pumpkin Spice EVERYTHING. Okay, maybe there is a little ranting but not much, I promise.

Domestic Violence Awareness month began as a "Day of Unity" in 1981. It was aimed as connecting advocates who work to end the violence against women and their children. It was a nation-wide observance that evolved into week and focused on:

• Mourning those who have died because of Domestic Violence
• Celebrating those who have survived
• Connecting those who work together to end violence

Fast-forward 6 years to October 1987 and the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The "Day of Unity" is still celebrated, now on the first Monday of October (this year it is October 5).

The chance of a woman having invasive breast cancer during her lifetime is a little less than 1 in 8, but the likelihood of a woman being the victim of domestic violence is 1 in  4 - so twice as many women suffer at the hands of an intimate partner as do from breast cancer. Viewed through a different lens, not quite a quarter of million will get breast cancer, but 1.3 million will suffer at the hands of an intimate partner.

I am not trying to say that breast cancer is easy. Or should be forgotten or break-throughs neglected. What I am trying to say is that women are stronger when they are helping other women and a wonderful way to do that is to bring attention to domestic violence so that it decreases. When Susan G. Komen's family started advocating for breast cancer research and a cure it was a much more devastating disease. But pink-lidded yogurt and pink-ribboned NFL teams have opened many eyes - think what a wave of purple can do to open eyes to Domestic Violence!

While inundated with pink this month give a little thought to her cousin, purple. Wear purple on the 6th for Purple Day - any shade will work. And while you are building camaraderie and increasing awareness on your breast cancer walk, share some domestic violence facts with those who may not know. And maybe one day we will be celebrating that Domestic Violence has been cut in half. Maybe. One day.